Well, firstly I am back from China. Upon hearing news that most of the flights home were full, I decided to head home on Saturday night. And, in one of the many marvels of modern life, I arrived in Chicago on Saturday night. After not making it on the flight to Dallas/Fort Worth, I spent exactly 4 hours sleeping in a hotel and spent the entire day on Sunday wandering from gate to gate, hoping to be one of the lucky standby passengers to grab one of the rare empty seats to DFW. However, even as one of the top non-rev passengers listed, I was still number 30 on the list. Most of the flights were lucky to have 2 or 3 empty seats.
I will say this: If you think air travel is a stressful, unpleasant experience, you should try flying standby. I spent 12 hours wandering from gate to gate at Chicago O'hare on Sunday, equalling about 14 moments of sheer dissapointment. Note that this is following a 14 hour flight from China, and jet lag. So, please, please do not complain that you spent 30 minutes sitting on the tarmac. However, there are upsides. Firstly, I feel as though I am a stalwart giant of air travel. Will I ever complain that it my flight is too crowded? Possibly. But more likely, I will just be glad to have a seat. Perhaps my experiences will be marketable:
Job Interviewer: This position involves a lot of travel, which can involve a lot of hassle. Are you able and willing to deal with this?
Me: I have spent the night on the institutional carpet of Seattle-Tacoma airport with a John Grisham novel for a pillow.
Also, I will note that this was rough, but I also got to travel to the other side of the world for free. And I got my character built whilst doing it. All in all, super spring break. But I am a little tired.
In other news, anxiety about the future has set in yet again. In many ways, these last years of college have been wonderful on account of the fact that I have simply been able to know that I will spend the next few years in college. For a little while, the future was certain. And now, the future approaches again, and with it the tensions that I have always felt during times of change.
The new reality of the impending future awakened me with a jolt. I was on the phone with a lady from the American Airlines credit union, who my Mom had used to refinance my student loans. I asked about the process of deferment in case I am able to spend a year teaching in China, and was told that "We don't defer loans." Firstly, who the fuck doesn't defer student loans? Thanks assholes. Because I'll probably just instantly have a job when I graduate. But also, reality gave me a big ol' slap on the face.
There are two facets two my anxiety about the future. The first one is very practical and tangible. Student loans. As a German graduate student and I were discussing at my friend's apartment party on Friday night in Shanghai, student loans are a modern form of indentured servitude. Or slavery. When I graduate from college I will have a burden of $50,000 debt on my back. I will be a slave to that $50,000. I am realistic about this. I am still glad that I went to college. I do see it as an investment. Also, even though I attend an expensive private college, I am still only paying as much as I would have if I had gone to a large, state school. I got a good deal. I am also glad to be say that for all intensive purposes, my college education is my own. Because I paid for it, it is mine, and I am free to do whatever I want with it. I will say that I prefer the tangible, numerical debt to the intangible and often murky parental expectations of my friends who were priveleged enough to have their college paid for. If I want, I can move to the woods for a year and my parents can't say a damned thing about it. This is, of course, after I pay back my student loans.
The second facet is the less tangible, age-old quarter life crisis anxiety so well documented in film classics through characters such as The Graduate's Ben Braddock, Lost in Translation's Charlotte and Chance, of Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Fransisco. As the future approaches, I find myself facing my greatest fear: I am worried that my life will simply meander its way into the banal, soulless mediocrity of American suburban consumer culture. I am scared I will become a man who, as Thoreau so eloquently and succintly put it, lives with "quiet desperation" and that I will go to the grave with my song still in me. I want to live a life that is worth living. I want to live a life of adventure, of quality experience, of real love and real relationship. I never want to quit being a student. I never want to quit being challenged, to grow complacent, to quit changing. I do not want to work so much that I am not living, and (again) I want to live a life that is worth living.
I will not forget the way the wind felt across my face as I cycled my way through the Beijing neighborhood. I am a lucky man, to be able to have that experience. I realize that. Andfor now I pray that my life will be one of adventure, and that my efforts will be put into making such a life possible. And that one day, when I do settle down, I can rest easy knowing that I lived my youth without regrets, and as fully and as freely as possible.
Here's a haiku I found, which I wrote about two years ago about riding a pirate bike down the hill by the golf course and thinking about life. Strangely applicable...
wind is on my face.
i am free and wondering,
the spokes are squealing.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Back in China
This year, in the tradition of trying to have the dopest college Spring Breaks ever, I decided to return to China. After my Dad visited me last semester in Shanghai, I realized that flying standby to Shanghai is fairly easy to do (this is usually not the case with international standby). So here I am, the poorest I've ever been in my life, with the oppurtunity to fly to China for free, and to stay with my buddies in Shanghai for free. I felt that taking advantage of this oppurtunity was not only something I wanted to do, but something I must do.
For some reason, I thought that it was a good idea to wait a while to get my visa, but I ended up waiting too long, and the grand total of my entry to the People's Republic came to a grand total of $250, with rush delivery and all that jazz. Luckily, the visa is good for a whole year, so I will likely try to return again before next March (I'd better get my money's worth out of the damn thing).
Anyhow, the flight over was pretty easy. It was about half full, and after an attempt to fly business class (which was quickly struck down by the other, "that guy"ticket agent, because I was wearing jeans), I was bumped back down to coach. The nice ticket agent got even nicer, and put me in a seat that gave me a whole inner row to myself (CHA CHING!) So anyways, the flight over was awesome. I watched three good movies and slept (a good start to any Spring break). The flights back are looking full, so that sucks. When I return to Shanghai I am going to buy the most ridiculous, old-Chinese-man pair of slacks I can find in case I am "forced" to ride Business or First-Class home.
Anyhow, when I got to Shanghai, I decided to take the Mag-Lev and to meet Dave. The Mag-Lev was super fast, and I got some pretty sweet video. Anyhow, I met Dave and was deliriously tired for the first couple of days (all of my friends were sick, so we all just chilled out and took it easy). I enjoyed being back in Shanghai, and got all of my favorite foods. On Sunday the weather was super nice, and Joe, Kyle and I went to a forest park, which featured a roller coaster and paintball. We rode the roller coaster which was super expensive and super short, but totally worth it. WO AI SHANGHAI.
I had booked my train to Beijing for Sunday night, and arrived in Beijing Monday morning. This was my first solo travel experience, so I was a little bit nervous that I might miss my train and not have my shit together. Anyhow, it all went well and when I arrived in Beijing I had a little bit of trouble finding my hostel, but ended up finding it. This is also my first solo youth hostel experience, and it has been pretty awesome. My hostel is in a hutong, which is the traditional Beijing style neighborhood setup. The rooms are cozy, and it's super cheap to stay here (5 USD per night), all in all, pretty awesome.
Anyhow, Beijing is pretty cool. It's definitely different than Shanghai, but not necessarily in a bad way. The first thing I noticed about Beijingers is that they tend to dress a little less gaudy than the Shanghainese. The city itself is very polluted, dusty, and dry, but is laid out like a grid and is far easier to get around than Shanghai. It also feels much more Chinese, and less urban. Dave's Chinese roommate said that "Shanghai is like America, Beijing is like China" (which, oddly, is why his roommate prefers Shanghai).
On Monday I checked in and showered, and then wandered about this one part of the city near a lake. I also saw the Lama temple, which is the largest Tibetan buddhist temple outside of Tibet. It was really beautiful. I also saw the Confucian temple which was also really super cool. The next day I decided I would rent a bike from the hostel. There was an awkward situation when the manager of the hostel went out and argued with a man outside for a bit, and then handed me the keys to the man's bike. I decided that I did not want to take the bike from a random Chinese man who might need it, and decided to forego bicycling until the next day. Instead, I headed to Tiananmen square (which, honestly, is not as big as I thought it would be). It was definitely very cool and very sombering to be there. I then went into the Forbidden City, which was awesome. It was very sunny and bright outside, and it was a hazy day, but it was still really cool to see. I could have explored there all day, but I was a bit tired and wanted to get out of the sun. I decided to head over to the Military Museum. This was probably the coolest thing I've seen. The Museum, which was built as sort of a present to Chairman Mao on the 10th anniversary of the founding of the People's Republic, is a monument to the power of the Chinese state. It was awesome. I learned a great deal about Chinese military history, which featured everything from ancient armor to modern day stuff. *Begin sarcasm* Luckily, the information was completely unbiased. *End sarcasm* It was very interesting to see how much the Chinese hate the Japanese (and not unjustifiably). World War II is known as "The War of Japanese Aggression." Also, a teapot on display was described as "a tool of torture used by the Japanese." It was very interesting.
Today, however, was my favorite day. I ended up renting a bike. This time, for some reason, the manager lent me his bike, and made me promise to have it back by 5 pm. This worked out well, as the bike was comfortable and reliable, but not too shiny and fancy (which might as well be a "Steal me, a laowai is renting me" sign). A bicycle is the best way to explore Beijing, by far. Even on the major thoroughfares there are huge bike lanes. The best part, however, was pulling off of the main arteries and exploring the hutongs. It was a perfect temperature, and it was really awesome to bike around and get lost. I made my way to the Temple of Heaven, which was awesome. There was a small group of people playing traditional Chinese music, and it was really cool.
And that brings us to now. I have decided to catch the all-nighter to Shanghai tommorrow, which will put me back in Shanghai on Friday morning. As far as plans, I am going to see the Olympic area tonight (which, supposedly, is best seen at night). Tommorrow, I am going to go to the Museum of Natural History (which is supposed to be nuts, and features a lot of animals in formaldehyde, among other disgusting things) and then I'm off. Hopefully, my friends will be feeling better when I get back and I'll be completely over my jetlag. Which means, we can paint the town neon-red, Shanghai style, and more jetlag when I return to the good ol U.S of A!
For some reason, I thought that it was a good idea to wait a while to get my visa, but I ended up waiting too long, and the grand total of my entry to the People's Republic came to a grand total of $250, with rush delivery and all that jazz. Luckily, the visa is good for a whole year, so I will likely try to return again before next March (I'd better get my money's worth out of the damn thing).
Anyhow, the flight over was pretty easy. It was about half full, and after an attempt to fly business class (which was quickly struck down by the other, "that guy"ticket agent, because I was wearing jeans), I was bumped back down to coach. The nice ticket agent got even nicer, and put me in a seat that gave me a whole inner row to myself (CHA CHING!) So anyways, the flight over was awesome. I watched three good movies and slept (a good start to any Spring break). The flights back are looking full, so that sucks. When I return to Shanghai I am going to buy the most ridiculous, old-Chinese-man pair of slacks I can find in case I am "forced" to ride Business or First-Class home.
Anyhow, when I got to Shanghai, I decided to take the Mag-Lev and to meet Dave. The Mag-Lev was super fast, and I got some pretty sweet video. Anyhow, I met Dave and was deliriously tired for the first couple of days (all of my friends were sick, so we all just chilled out and took it easy). I enjoyed being back in Shanghai, and got all of my favorite foods. On Sunday the weather was super nice, and Joe, Kyle and I went to a forest park, which featured a roller coaster and paintball. We rode the roller coaster which was super expensive and super short, but totally worth it. WO AI SHANGHAI.
I had booked my train to Beijing for Sunday night, and arrived in Beijing Monday morning. This was my first solo travel experience, so I was a little bit nervous that I might miss my train and not have my shit together. Anyhow, it all went well and when I arrived in Beijing I had a little bit of trouble finding my hostel, but ended up finding it. This is also my first solo youth hostel experience, and it has been pretty awesome. My hostel is in a hutong, which is the traditional Beijing style neighborhood setup. The rooms are cozy, and it's super cheap to stay here (5 USD per night), all in all, pretty awesome.
Anyhow, Beijing is pretty cool. It's definitely different than Shanghai, but not necessarily in a bad way. The first thing I noticed about Beijingers is that they tend to dress a little less gaudy than the Shanghainese. The city itself is very polluted, dusty, and dry, but is laid out like a grid and is far easier to get around than Shanghai. It also feels much more Chinese, and less urban. Dave's Chinese roommate said that "Shanghai is like America, Beijing is like China" (which, oddly, is why his roommate prefers Shanghai).
On Monday I checked in and showered, and then wandered about this one part of the city near a lake. I also saw the Lama temple, which is the largest Tibetan buddhist temple outside of Tibet. It was really beautiful. I also saw the Confucian temple which was also really super cool. The next day I decided I would rent a bike from the hostel. There was an awkward situation when the manager of the hostel went out and argued with a man outside for a bit, and then handed me the keys to the man's bike. I decided that I did not want to take the bike from a random Chinese man who might need it, and decided to forego bicycling until the next day. Instead, I headed to Tiananmen square (which, honestly, is not as big as I thought it would be). It was definitely very cool and very sombering to be there. I then went into the Forbidden City, which was awesome. It was very sunny and bright outside, and it was a hazy day, but it was still really cool to see. I could have explored there all day, but I was a bit tired and wanted to get out of the sun. I decided to head over to the Military Museum. This was probably the coolest thing I've seen. The Museum, which was built as sort of a present to Chairman Mao on the 10th anniversary of the founding of the People's Republic, is a monument to the power of the Chinese state. It was awesome. I learned a great deal about Chinese military history, which featured everything from ancient armor to modern day stuff. *Begin sarcasm* Luckily, the information was completely unbiased. *End sarcasm* It was very interesting to see how much the Chinese hate the Japanese (and not unjustifiably). World War II is known as "The War of Japanese Aggression." Also, a teapot on display was described as "a tool of torture used by the Japanese." It was very interesting.
Today, however, was my favorite day. I ended up renting a bike. This time, for some reason, the manager lent me his bike, and made me promise to have it back by 5 pm. This worked out well, as the bike was comfortable and reliable, but not too shiny and fancy (which might as well be a "Steal me, a laowai is renting me" sign). A bicycle is the best way to explore Beijing, by far. Even on the major thoroughfares there are huge bike lanes. The best part, however, was pulling off of the main arteries and exploring the hutongs. It was a perfect temperature, and it was really awesome to bike around and get lost. I made my way to the Temple of Heaven, which was awesome. There was a small group of people playing traditional Chinese music, and it was really cool.
And that brings us to now. I have decided to catch the all-nighter to Shanghai tommorrow, which will put me back in Shanghai on Friday morning. As far as plans, I am going to see the Olympic area tonight (which, supposedly, is best seen at night). Tommorrow, I am going to go to the Museum of Natural History (which is supposed to be nuts, and features a lot of animals in formaldehyde, among other disgusting things) and then I'm off. Hopefully, my friends will be feeling better when I get back and I'll be completely over my jetlag. Which means, we can paint the town neon-red, Shanghai style, and more jetlag when I return to the good ol U.S of A!
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